Out My Mind..

Cause the
Sex was good
You had my mind
And I
I let you
Come back
Every time
You would
Violate
And cross
The line
And you
Knew that I
Would be
The type
To always
Wait so patiently
Thinkin'
You was comin'
Home to me
Well
Damn, I never heard
The keys
Or
Felt ya taps
Sayin' are
You sleep

Chorus:

Don't wanna
Play house
No more
So dumb
To think
You gon'
Marry me
I got to be out
My mind
To think I
Need someone
To carry me
I've done enough
Cryin', cryin', cryin'
Cryin', cryin', cryin')
It's time to say
Bye, bye, bye
It's time I
Do something
For me

2ND Verse:

It's time
I choose my clothes
Choose my friends
Be with my family
They be askin'
Girlfriend
Where you been?
We ain't seen
You in weeks
Been chasin'
This fool around
Thinkin' he gon'
Hold me down
I would
Follow his lead
Thinkin' I would
Be the one
He keep around
When I ain't need it
Not ya finance
And all that
I needed
Real commitment
I really couldn't see it
Not the real man
You said you would be
In this relationship
So many men
Think all
A girl needs
Is to be sold
A dream
But I won't
Fall for it

Rap:

You turned ya back
And back
I came runnin'
But the simple
Fact is
That you
Ain't want me
Done enough
Lyin' and cryin'
To myself
Nothin' left
To do but move
What else
Can I do but leave?
I believed-ed you
Would marry me
But now I gotta breeze
I be's with LT
When you come
To ya senses
But then
It's too late
That's always
How it be
Catch me
With the B's
On the wheels
Giuseppe on the heels
Shoulda Marc Jacob
Fe Fe bag me
When you had me
Next dude
Will gladly
Pick up
Where you left off
Ice me
Wife me
You ain't gon'
Have me

[Mary]

Cryin', cryin', cryin'
(Cryin', cryin', cryin')
It's time to say
Bye, bye, bye
It's time I
Do something
For me

"ENOUGH CRYIN'" By Mary J. Blige



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I Watched my Beloved Choc graduate this afternoon. Over a computer screen. There was a live feed of video. I was on the outside looking in. Like a kid looking in a candy store and watching someone else eat her cake.

Today had me at the counsellors office bright and early. I hadnt been since BD and I split last year this time. (Counsellor is like Dr Phil, an older successfully married man with great suggestions about relationships. He costs a Lot. Lets Call Him ..Phil)

He suggested that I wouldn't know a good man if he sat right next to me. He also suggested that regardless of who I try and date, that right now anyone is basically just rebound. Perhaps even more enlightening, he suggested that when/if the thing with Choc times itself right and becomes something deemed serious, then I should bring him in. I nearly laughed. This concerned my counsellor who said if Choc's not willing to come in...that should tell me something. And it should tell me something if he IS willing to come in.
Definitely food for thought.

Now this graduation really really cut me deep today. Primarily because I am not a part of it as any part of Choc's family/life. His parents flew in, his brother is there, aunts uncle, cousins...his own kids..his babymomma? I dont know.
But I have definitely been kept on the side. And it hurts.
True, he only had 3 tickets. But he did ask, and get, extra. How many more, I dont know.
Another thing. When I started this here program, I was in his group. I since fell back one semester, so this technically would have been my graduation too. Watching all the folks cross the stage today, when we all started together was pretty hard, but motivating in the sense that I will see that day in about 6 months.

I am proud of him. I know the hardships he has faced being not just a man in a female profession, but the only black man, with 2 kids to become something in his family. He has graduated y'all and for that I commend him. Amongst all the drama, the stressors and pressures (friends hustlin, making it look good, babymoms stressing him, his parents expecting him to do things, kids games, school etc) He prevailed. So to you, babe. Congratulations!