Soul Searchin'

I have been introspective a lot lately.
I reflect, consider, and make changes ...
There is definite growth happening and I am proud that it is because I am trying to make that the case.
I am a firm believer in fixing.
If I have an issue, especially with myself, who else is going to do anything about it.
I see so many blaming others for their problems and issues. Now, I am not denying that there are circumstances that are applicable, but I digress..
I choose to take responsibility and BE HAPPY.
I NEED to find happiness in simple things again. I have realized that I have become rather cynical, jaded, embittered towards my outlook in general. This is toxic and is affecting my whole world.
I am making a HUGE effort to correct my behavior.
This is very very hard as 30 something years have etched a deep and difficult rut as far as my personality is concerned.
I have many sadnesses and grievances.
I have been wronged on so many levels, many very deep and at a young age.
I am choosing to forgive, and really try to let go of the hurt. I need to work through all the pain to feel the pleasure life has to offer.
I have been avoiding God.
We have some serious catching up to do.
I owe many many thanks to the highest. I have many blessings, and have reaped strengths out of my difficult situations, where I could have fallen and stayed down.
I soldier on, in hopes of the greater good prevailing. I have FAITH and keep only good expectations in my head and heart. Otherwise, I shall surely fall..and stay fallen.

"Me Duele En Mi Corazon"

I have many dear friends. I am SO grateful for their love, loyalty and guidance.
One such friend told me the other day I am causing too much heartache for myself. I need to cut out the 'extras'..the distractions...and face my situation with choc for what it is, and assert what could be...and if it doesnt realize itself..then..

She asked me why I am afraid to confront him directly. To demand what should be given. Am I afraid that he will run? Or.....am I afraid that he will step up. Then what?
I will actually have to be ready and honestly, I am not.
Not today. Maybe later tonight, but not this second. And that is ok.
I keep hearing that I am the most patient person/woman ever. When did that become an insult? Why do I need to change that?
In due time, all things turn full circle and purpose, meanings and intentions will finally reveal.
I shut the door on a few things today. Said goodbye to poor choices and made the right one.
Took a step in the FaithFul direction.
I choose to be led by God, with a pure heart.
This is not my true confession here, but it is just the same.
I have found that I need that to save my soul.
I pledge to be...Me..as I was raised to be. With good intentions..